One person that I can say has had an extraordinary contribution to the individual I am is my mother. Through many of the experiences that I have had in my life, I have come to realize that she has been a major part of them. Although sometimes I wonder if I am too much like her, I also wonder how much more I could do to be just like her.
I remember one time in particular, when I was trying to fill out some applications during my senior year of high school. I sat up all night working on personal statements and application materials. As I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, she calmly helped complete all my materials and showed me better ways to deal with my stress, like breathing and simply just walking away from a task sometimes. Since that night, I have never been that stressed out and I have been able to accomplish a lot more because of that. This experience definitely contributed to the person that I am today.
I know that no one is perfect, but as far as being a mother she, to me, is the closest that as one person could be. She has gone above and beyond to help me become the best person that I can be and has taught me many things over the course of my short time here. I still learn a lot from her and I don't see that changing any time soon.
One thing that I can say has really contributed to the person that I am today is education in general. I have always loved going to school and being in my classes, discussing topics with my teachers and peers. It is also what my career will revolve around. I believe that education is such an important tool for well-being as a whole and I just love to see the aha moments and smiles that come from someone figuring something out that they'll never forget. That is worth every minute that I spend helping someone.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Research on a Dark Horizon
Have you ever tried to explain something to someone and you had no idea how to say it! Welcome to the wonderful world of mathematics. Sitting here trying to figure out how to explain my work has been one of the toughest things I've had to do in this entire process. Now don't get me wrong, I knew that going in but being in the meat of this project is no easy feat. I realize that the more time I spend doing this the easier it will become, however in this particular moment I need a small break (maybe an hour or two).
This idea of having trouble explaining myself seems so foreign to me since I have not always had so much trouble with it. When I was younger, I used to get in the car after school and tell my mother and sister about the great day I had, spilling out every detail and hoping for a even a gleam of excitement, but what I got was not what I was expecting. I saw an occasional eye roll and laugh between the two of them every couple of minutes. I realize now that I could have just simply said that I had a great day at school and left it at that, especially since I never let them get a word in. I would feel a great since of anger as they would start a conversation on a completely separate topic without even the slightest acknowledgement that I had just given them the best story of their lives. But like I said, this happened almost every day. So, naturally, the stories started to sound a little similar and to be honest with you, I would've gotten a little annoyed with the younger me!
I can only wish for information and explanations to occur so effortlessly, but hey, I'm a college student and things are not always that easy. I will keep those earlier days in mind as I continue on with my research and eventually I will be explaining my research like I explained my school experiences when I was a child!
This idea of having trouble explaining myself seems so foreign to me since I have not always had so much trouble with it. When I was younger, I used to get in the car after school and tell my mother and sister about the great day I had, spilling out every detail and hoping for a even a gleam of excitement, but what I got was not what I was expecting. I saw an occasional eye roll and laugh between the two of them every couple of minutes. I realize now that I could have just simply said that I had a great day at school and left it at that, especially since I never let them get a word in. I would feel a great since of anger as they would start a conversation on a completely separate topic without even the slightest acknowledgement that I had just given them the best story of their lives. But like I said, this happened almost every day. So, naturally, the stories started to sound a little similar and to be honest with you, I would've gotten a little annoyed with the younger me!
I can only wish for information and explanations to occur so effortlessly, but hey, I'm a college student and things are not always that easy. I will keep those earlier days in mind as I continue on with my research and eventually I will be explaining my research like I explained my school experiences when I was a child!
Monday, June 17, 2013
Happiness in a Nut Shell
What really makes me happy? This question could easily be answered when you ask those around me. Helping others, singing, cooking, dancing, and doing homework are all things that I love to do but they only give me happiness temporarily. When I am alone and I have no one to talk to, to me, that's what determines what I need to truly make me happy. And in that case there are a number of things that I can turn to. The first is my Bible. The Lord is the source of my strength and watches over me every step of my journey. Secondly, puzzles are some of the best physical items in my life. They keep me calm and allow me to detach myself from any situation that I have and place all of my focus on something that I absolutely love to do. Just as a side note, for my 16th birthday I went to school and came home and did a puzzle. That has been my best birthday to date! Another piece of my happiness comes from cleaning. This also allows me to take a step back and redirect my focus on another task, while making my home or someone else's better.
Other than being by myself, spending time with my family makes me extremely happy. If I could move my entire family with me anywhere I went, I would. Just being around them makes my life so much better and I know that they will always be there for me no matter what. My boyfriend also makes me very happy. He looks out for me and doesn't turn his back on me no matter what, even when I do. I appreciate all the little things he does for me and/or tries to do, if I allow him to. My friends are also people that haven't failed to keep me happy and have my back. I love the fact that I can call them at any time and they will be there for me. They will do their best to help me and they give pretty good advice too. I never feel like I don't have anyone on my side, NEVER. This is a blessing and I can only hope that I am just as important to all mentioned as they are to me.
Once again I just want to thank my McNair family for being so supportive of me and I can't wait to finish out the summer with everyone and see where our process takes us. I know that everyone is learning so much already. And gosh, I JUST LOVE TO SEE PEOPLE GROW! Well that's all folks! 
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Success
This is not the first time I've had to think about what the meaning of success is. I have heard so many different explanations of what the true definition is. I've heard things like, "Success is what you make it", "Success is being able to do what you want when you want", and "Success is having $$". To a certain extent all of these things can be true depending on who you are talking to. But if you're talking to me, my definition is a little bit different from what you would normally hear. Success for me is both tangible and intangible. Success to me is being able to wake up in the morning and knowing that I have another opportunity to make my life or someone else's better.
To be completely honest, I can't remember a time where I considered myself to be unsuccessful. Even though I haven't always done everything perfectly, a part of success is learning from your mistakes. So, no matter what I do or how I do it, I will be successful.
Where most people use the term success I would use the word accomplishments. Accomplishments can be things like reaching a goal, being able to do what you want and having a certain amount of money. But once again, these are also self-determined because everyone has different goals, and when they achieve those goals they then feel accomplished.
However, even if you accomplish a goal it does not necessarily make you successful, it simply means that you have accomplished a goal. So basically, accomplishments are what you make them, and success is how you view your life.
To be completely honest, I can't remember a time where I considered myself to be unsuccessful. Even though I haven't always done everything perfectly, a part of success is learning from your mistakes. So, no matter what I do or how I do it, I will be successful.
Where most people use the term success I would use the word accomplishments. Accomplishments can be things like reaching a goal, being able to do what you want and having a certain amount of money. But once again, these are also self-determined because everyone has different goals, and when they achieve those goals they then feel accomplished.
However, even if you accomplish a goal it does not necessarily make you successful, it simply means that you have accomplished a goal. So basically, accomplishments are what you make them, and success is how you view your life.
Week of Trials
As I was sitting in the dark in my room I came to a conclusion. Life is pretty cool. As most of my fellow scholars know, I have had a very rough week thus far. My car has been impounded and damaged, electricity has been cut off in my house for days and I just can't seem to catch a break. But through all of these incidents I have found a rare peace in my spirit.
Not only have I been able to fix some of the issues that have arisen, I have also been able to have a better outlook on life as a whole. Yes, there have been tears but underneath those tears is a sense of strength and perseverance. This is something that I have been able to carry over through my McNair process by trying my best to stay focused on all of the projects and assignments that are required through the program.
I have had great support and I appreciate my McNair family for being supportive of me through this rough time. I am going to make it through this program if it's the last thing I do; and when I accomplish that goal I believe that graduate school will be a lot less scary for me. This experience will do nothing but make me a better person and a much better candidate for graduate school!
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Camp Epiphany
First of all, I would like to say that I thoroughly enjoyed going to boot camp for the McNair Scholars program. I had such a great time connecting with other scholars, especially those from other colleges and universities. There interests were amazing to me and I can't wait to connect with them again. I have to admit, though, that I did have a very big epiphany while I was at camp.
As I was sitting there in a room full of my fellow scholars, I listened to a presentation being given by one of the presenters at the camp. Throughout the entire presentation I was taking notes on what the speaker was discussing and in one instance a light bulb came on. At that specific moment, I discovered that I knew the answer to my research. As the presentation came to a close, I found myself very anxious to go get my research papers and write down the result I had discovered. Now this may have excited some people when I shared this information but the problem with just knowing the answer that I still need to prove it.
The reason why this was such an epiphany for me was not just the fact I figured out the answer. The true epiphany for me was that I realized that sometimes these wonderful thoughts and ideas that we have don't require much thought. Sometimes the best thoughts will just come to you without preparation or understanding.
This is information that I will take with me as I continue on this journey through the rest of the summer. I may spend hours and hours and hours on my research only to find that I already knew the answer. In the end, however, I may discover that knowing the answer is not good enough for me but appreciating the process, or lack thereof, will be all I need to be content.
As I was sitting there in a room full of my fellow scholars, I listened to a presentation being given by one of the presenters at the camp. Throughout the entire presentation I was taking notes on what the speaker was discussing and in one instance a light bulb came on. At that specific moment, I discovered that I knew the answer to my research. As the presentation came to a close, I found myself very anxious to go get my research papers and write down the result I had discovered. Now this may have excited some people when I shared this information but the problem with just knowing the answer that I still need to prove it.
The reason why this was such an epiphany for me was not just the fact I figured out the answer. The true epiphany for me was that I realized that sometimes these wonderful thoughts and ideas that we have don't require much thought. Sometimes the best thoughts will just come to you without preparation or understanding.
This is information that I will take with me as I continue on this journey through the rest of the summer. I may spend hours and hours and hours on my research only to find that I already knew the answer. In the end, however, I may discover that knowing the answer is not good enough for me but appreciating the process, or lack thereof, will be all I need to be content.
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