The Miseducation of Myself

The idea of something being all about me is a difficult concept to grasp in a lot of respects. First of all, I am on the other extreme end of self-focused, which for the most part is a big problem for me. I am often choosing to do things that will be pleasing to others that I care about, even when there is no benefit for myself. And in most cases, during that time I could be doing something beneficial for myself. The greatest problem with this for me is the fact that I really don't mind much.

Because I get such satisfaction from helping others and making them feel better, it, in turn, makes me feel better. For that reason I will continue doing what I'm doing. However, there could be a different approach from time to time where I come first. Now that's a scary concept for me because I seem to be very indecisive. But deep down inside , I always know what I want I just choose not to voice that opinion with others for the fear of disagreement and frustration. It can be so much easier to just go with the flow.

I also struggle with taking the easy way out sometimes. In the instance of going with the flow, I am sometimes challenged in my needs and that takes away from my growth and development, which is something, in grad school and in life, that I am not willing to give up completely.

So, for the time being my personal goal is to concentrate more on my needs and wants and actually pursue them without any fear of criticism, disagreement or frustration. Hey, I hope this works!!