I have been looking forward to August all summer. This month is probably one of the best months on the calendar if you ask me. It's after all the summer celebrations and right before school starts. The wonderful smell of anticipation of the school year is such a sweet, sweet smell. People are moving out and moving in (myself included) and deciding who they want to be this time. Back-to-school specials are going on and the last minute vacations are about to have their last little run.
The best part of this month, is not just the fact that Michael Jackson's birthday and my sister's birthday are on the same day in August (August 29th). It's not even the fact that it is one of the warmest month on the calendar, north of the equator. It is the fact that it here and it is now. It's exciting and fun and full of joy. I can't wait to finish up my current projects and prepare for the rest. I'm so ready for everything that is about to come. Yay August!
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
The Miseducation of Myself
The idea of something being all about me is a difficult concept to grasp in a lot of respects. First of all, I am on the other extreme end of self-focused, which for the most part is a big problem for me. I am often choosing to do things that will be pleasing to others that I care about, even when there is no benefit for myself. And in most cases, during that time I could be doing something beneficial for myself. The greatest problem with this for me is the fact that I really don't mind much.
Because I get such satisfaction from helping others and making them feel better, it, in turn, makes me feel better. For that reason I will continue doing what I'm doing. However, there could be a different approach from time to time where I come first. Now that's a scary concept for me because I seem to be very indecisive. But deep down inside , I always know what I want I just choose not to voice that opinion with others for the fear of disagreement and frustration. It can be so much easier to just go with the flow.
I also struggle with taking the easy way out sometimes. In the instance of going with the flow, I am sometimes challenged in my needs and that takes away from my growth and development, which is something, in grad school and in life, that I am not willing to give up completely.
So, for the time being my personal goal is to concentrate more on my needs and wants and actually pursue them without any fear of criticism, disagreement or frustration. Hey, I hope this works!!
Because I get such satisfaction from helping others and making them feel better, it, in turn, makes me feel better. For that reason I will continue doing what I'm doing. However, there could be a different approach from time to time where I come first. Now that's a scary concept for me because I seem to be very indecisive. But deep down inside , I always know what I want I just choose not to voice that opinion with others for the fear of disagreement and frustration. It can be so much easier to just go with the flow.
I also struggle with taking the easy way out sometimes. In the instance of going with the flow, I am sometimes challenged in my needs and that takes away from my growth and development, which is something, in grad school and in life, that I am not willing to give up completely.
So, for the time being my personal goal is to concentrate more on my needs and wants and actually pursue them without any fear of criticism, disagreement or frustration. Hey, I hope this works!!
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Chronic Love
A question was posed to me a couple days ago and up until this point I have not been able to answer it. What is chronic or inflamed in your life?
The explanation of this question is something like, "What's picking at you, what never gets solved, what's that nitty gritty irritation that's always there?" One could look at this question and automatically think of something negative in their lives. In fact, that was my first reaction as well. However, as I thought about this question a little deeper I realized that what's chronic in my life is not negative. On the contrary, my inflammation keeps my going. I feel kind of silly phrasing it that way but it's the truth.
Anyways, I would consider my inflammation to be my family. That is the one thing in my life that is always in the back of my mind and the one thing that affects my in my entirety. If something goes wrong with my family, I try my best to be part of the solution immediately and not let the problem go on too long. If I cannot do anything physically, my prayers are sent out for them. I realize that I may not always be in town, but I do try my best to be there for them when they need me.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Contribution of My Life
One person that I can say has had an extraordinary contribution to the individual I am is my mother. Through many of the experiences that I have had in my life, I have come to realize that she has been a major part of them. Although sometimes I wonder if I am too much like her, I also wonder how much more I could do to be just like her.
I remember one time in particular, when I was trying to fill out some applications during my senior year of high school. I sat up all night working on personal statements and application materials. As I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, she calmly helped complete all my materials and showed me better ways to deal with my stress, like breathing and simply just walking away from a task sometimes. Since that night, I have never been that stressed out and I have been able to accomplish a lot more because of that. This experience definitely contributed to the person that I am today.
I know that no one is perfect, but as far as being a mother she, to me, is the closest that as one person could be. She has gone above and beyond to help me become the best person that I can be and has taught me many things over the course of my short time here. I still learn a lot from her and I don't see that changing any time soon.
One thing that I can say has really contributed to the person that I am today is education in general. I have always loved going to school and being in my classes, discussing topics with my teachers and peers. It is also what my career will revolve around. I believe that education is such an important tool for well-being as a whole and I just love to see the aha moments and smiles that come from someone figuring something out that they'll never forget. That is worth every minute that I spend helping someone.
I remember one time in particular, when I was trying to fill out some applications during my senior year of high school. I sat up all night working on personal statements and application materials. As I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, she calmly helped complete all my materials and showed me better ways to deal with my stress, like breathing and simply just walking away from a task sometimes. Since that night, I have never been that stressed out and I have been able to accomplish a lot more because of that. This experience definitely contributed to the person that I am today.
I know that no one is perfect, but as far as being a mother she, to me, is the closest that as one person could be. She has gone above and beyond to help me become the best person that I can be and has taught me many things over the course of my short time here. I still learn a lot from her and I don't see that changing any time soon.
One thing that I can say has really contributed to the person that I am today is education in general. I have always loved going to school and being in my classes, discussing topics with my teachers and peers. It is also what my career will revolve around. I believe that education is such an important tool for well-being as a whole and I just love to see the aha moments and smiles that come from someone figuring something out that they'll never forget. That is worth every minute that I spend helping someone.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Research on a Dark Horizon
Have you ever tried to explain something to someone and you had no idea how to say it! Welcome to the wonderful world of mathematics. Sitting here trying to figure out how to explain my work has been one of the toughest things I've had to do in this entire process. Now don't get me wrong, I knew that going in but being in the meat of this project is no easy feat. I realize that the more time I spend doing this the easier it will become, however in this particular moment I need a small break (maybe an hour or two).
This idea of having trouble explaining myself seems so foreign to me since I have not always had so much trouble with it. When I was younger, I used to get in the car after school and tell my mother and sister about the great day I had, spilling out every detail and hoping for a even a gleam of excitement, but what I got was not what I was expecting. I saw an occasional eye roll and laugh between the two of them every couple of minutes. I realize now that I could have just simply said that I had a great day at school and left it at that, especially since I never let them get a word in. I would feel a great since of anger as they would start a conversation on a completely separate topic without even the slightest acknowledgement that I had just given them the best story of their lives. But like I said, this happened almost every day. So, naturally, the stories started to sound a little similar and to be honest with you, I would've gotten a little annoyed with the younger me!
I can only wish for information and explanations to occur so effortlessly, but hey, I'm a college student and things are not always that easy. I will keep those earlier days in mind as I continue on with my research and eventually I will be explaining my research like I explained my school experiences when I was a child!
This idea of having trouble explaining myself seems so foreign to me since I have not always had so much trouble with it. When I was younger, I used to get in the car after school and tell my mother and sister about the great day I had, spilling out every detail and hoping for a even a gleam of excitement, but what I got was not what I was expecting. I saw an occasional eye roll and laugh between the two of them every couple of minutes. I realize now that I could have just simply said that I had a great day at school and left it at that, especially since I never let them get a word in. I would feel a great since of anger as they would start a conversation on a completely separate topic without even the slightest acknowledgement that I had just given them the best story of their lives. But like I said, this happened almost every day. So, naturally, the stories started to sound a little similar and to be honest with you, I would've gotten a little annoyed with the younger me!
I can only wish for information and explanations to occur so effortlessly, but hey, I'm a college student and things are not always that easy. I will keep those earlier days in mind as I continue on with my research and eventually I will be explaining my research like I explained my school experiences when I was a child!
Monday, June 17, 2013
Happiness in a Nut Shell
What really makes me happy? This question could easily be answered when you ask those around me. Helping others, singing, cooking, dancing, and doing homework are all things that I love to do but they only give me happiness temporarily. When I am alone and I have no one to talk to, to me, that's what determines what I need to truly make me happy. And in that case there are a number of things that I can turn to. The first is my Bible. The Lord is the source of my strength and watches over me every step of my journey. Secondly, puzzles are some of the best physical items in my life. They keep me calm and allow me to detach myself from any situation that I have and place all of my focus on something that I absolutely love to do. Just as a side note, for my 16th birthday I went to school and came home and did a puzzle. That has been my best birthday to date! Another piece of my happiness comes from cleaning. This also allows me to take a step back and redirect my focus on another task, while making my home or someone else's better.
Other than being by myself, spending time with my family makes me extremely happy. If I could move my entire family with me anywhere I went, I would. Just being around them makes my life so much better and I know that they will always be there for me no matter what. My boyfriend also makes me very happy. He looks out for me and doesn't turn his back on me no matter what, even when I do. I appreciate all the little things he does for me and/or tries to do, if I allow him to. My friends are also people that haven't failed to keep me happy and have my back. I love the fact that I can call them at any time and they will be there for me. They will do their best to help me and they give pretty good advice too. I never feel like I don't have anyone on my side, NEVER. This is a blessing and I can only hope that I am just as important to all mentioned as they are to me.
Once again I just want to thank my McNair family for being so supportive of me and I can't wait to finish out the summer with everyone and see where our process takes us. I know that everyone is learning so much already. And gosh, I JUST LOVE TO SEE PEOPLE GROW! Well that's all folks! 
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Success
This is not the first time I've had to think about what the meaning of success is. I have heard so many different explanations of what the true definition is. I've heard things like, "Success is what you make it", "Success is being able to do what you want when you want", and "Success is having $$". To a certain extent all of these things can be true depending on who you are talking to. But if you're talking to me, my definition is a little bit different from what you would normally hear. Success for me is both tangible and intangible. Success to me is being able to wake up in the morning and knowing that I have another opportunity to make my life or someone else's better.
To be completely honest, I can't remember a time where I considered myself to be unsuccessful. Even though I haven't always done everything perfectly, a part of success is learning from your mistakes. So, no matter what I do or how I do it, I will be successful.
Where most people use the term success I would use the word accomplishments. Accomplishments can be things like reaching a goal, being able to do what you want and having a certain amount of money. But once again, these are also self-determined because everyone has different goals, and when they achieve those goals they then feel accomplished.
However, even if you accomplish a goal it does not necessarily make you successful, it simply means that you have accomplished a goal. So basically, accomplishments are what you make them, and success is how you view your life.
To be completely honest, I can't remember a time where I considered myself to be unsuccessful. Even though I haven't always done everything perfectly, a part of success is learning from your mistakes. So, no matter what I do or how I do it, I will be successful.
Where most people use the term success I would use the word accomplishments. Accomplishments can be things like reaching a goal, being able to do what you want and having a certain amount of money. But once again, these are also self-determined because everyone has different goals, and when they achieve those goals they then feel accomplished.
However, even if you accomplish a goal it does not necessarily make you successful, it simply means that you have accomplished a goal. So basically, accomplishments are what you make them, and success is how you view your life.
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